Hey Alfredo, how many, what are their names, what are they like, and do you have any photos?

Of course, remember that you can be mugged, raped, killed, run over, or harrassed for any reason anywhere and at any time.

And so, within that scale, I rate the SF neighborhoods below. In other words, in San Francisco, an unsafe neighborhood isn't so bad.

I don't know the current status of that proposal.

Since I don't know when you are coming, when you get here ask a police officer whether you need a license to carry either mace or pepper spray. Be sure to get his or her name and police shield number, and write it down, in case you mace someone and the police ask you "Who told you you could carry this without a permit?" When you answer "This officer with this shield number", it will sound a lot better than "Er . . ." :)

For the most part, I will ignore these subdivisions.  I will try to group the areas by neighborhood character, which I consider to be the most useful distinctions to you.

For example, you couldn't really find the difference between the Outer-Sunset and the Parkside-Sunset if your life depended on it.  However, the Sea Cliff subsection of the Richmond is definitely mansion city.  Don't worry, I will break down the sub-neighborhoods for you, and tell you which distinctions are useful and which ones aren't.

The Neighborhoods - And the photo tours!

The virtual photo tours are probably the best feature of this Neighborhoods page, don't miss out on them!  The text is pretty good too.  :)  Once you decide to check out a neighborhood, though, be aware that (on a 28.8 modem) it may take a minute or so to download the photo tour page in all its glory.  There are 8ish pictures per neighborhood page, each with extensive caption text under it.  Each picture is 640x480 and was taken with my trusty Mavica or Nikon camera.  Look for the cool sunglasses  next to the neighborhood name, that denotes which neighborhoods include photo tours.  Only a few neighborhoods have a photo tour right now, but I've shot the photos to do many more.  I'm working on it!  For now, I have just a few so...enjoy!

The Richmond

This is one of the lowest-crime neighborhoods in the city. There is lots to do here, many neighborhood stores and on Clement street every second or third business is a restaurant. No kidding.

Check out Clement Street. Go walking along Lake Street, the leafy and upscale residential street after dinner on Clement. Mmmm, this is one of my favorite activities after a movie at the Alexandria theater.  There are a couple of unofficial sub-sections to The Richmond, but they are still part of the great Richmond district :

• Geary Boulevard - Definitely the heart of the Richmond.  A nice, wide boulevard with vibrant commercial activity at every door.  Lots of restaurant, banks, shops, movie theatres.  Geary is the longest street in San Francisco, stretching from downtown all the way to the beach.  Don't get a place on Geary if you don't like noise.  Half a block off Geary is fine, I grew up between Geary and the next street, Anza, and there was no noise problem.
• Inner Richmond - From about Arguello to Park Presidio Boulevard (should be 1st & 13th Avenues, but Arguello and PPB were renamed).  Houses here are three stories rather than two, but still everything's very nice.
• Outer Richmond - From about 25th Avenue all the way to the ocean's edge on 48th avenue.  Like the rest of the Richmond, except less commercial activity and more residential.  
• Lone Mountain -  
• Laurel Heights / Jordan Park -  
• The Sea Cliff - Pardon me.  Do you have any Grey Poupon?  
• You can now take the photo tour of the Richmond!  

The Sunset

Llike The Mission and the Richmond, the Sunset is large and diverse enough that it has a couple of distinct areas with their distinct flavors within their Sunset-ness.  I've broken them up for you so you can get a feel for the place:

• The Inner Sunset - This is the part of the Sunset closest to the Haight, UCSF, and Mount Sutro.  It has many cool pastry shops, video rental places (check out Le Video!), restaurants. Nice walking neighborhood, it has a small but nice business district, with world-famous University of California at San Francisco (UCSF) stands.  UCSF is a world-class teaching hospital and university.  I was leaving their dental clinic in 1989 when the 7.1 Loma Prieta 'quake hit, and I almost got killed by three stories worth of falling brick off a building's facade.  You can now take a guided photo tour of the inner Sunset!  
  
• Golden Gate Heights - Beautiful!  This sub-section of the Sunset is really just the neighborhood atop and on the skirts of a very tall hill.  A long hill. Like a log laying on flat ground. The homes here have million-dollar views and prices to match.  The intersection of this hill is at 14th and Lawton.  The streets are so twisty that 14th and 15th avenue actually intersect!  Although still part of the Sunset it is definitely the right side of the tracks.  You can see some pictures of, and from, Golden Gate Heights in its very own photo tour!
• The Central and Outer Sunset. - This part is what most people mean by plain old "The Sunset".  About 85% of this huge neighborhood is mostly very nice tract housing built for the returning soldiers of WWII. 99.9% of homes are two-storey, so you never feel that you are in a big city. The first storey is usually a garage, and the second storey is the home. Since the Sunset is mostly undulating hills, many places have views of the nearby Pacific ocean. It's wondeful to see 180 degrees of sparkling ocean from a silent neighborhood hilltop.  You can now take a guided tour of the Central and Outer Sunset!  
• Lake Merced - The lake Merced area is technically a part of the Sunset, but it feels different.  Lake Merced is San Francisco's only remaining (and huge) natural lake.  You can't miss it on any SF map, it's on the lower left quadrant of the city.  The Eastern shore of the lake is lined by  large, beautiful detached homes,  and the Western shore by several nice 7-or-so story apartment buildings.  This part of town includes a large shopping center called Stonestown, which is right next to San Francisco State University.  
• The Parkside - The Parkside is the Southern half of the Sunset.  It is a fake term fabricated by real estate droids, designed to segregate one neighborhood in half.  I only include it here in case you heard the term somewhere, and were looking for an explanation.

Merced Manor

Hayes Valley

The Western Addition

• JapanTown / J-Town - Basically a Japanese mall that tries (and fails) to be the answer to Chinatown.  I say it fails because Chinatown is truly worthy of a name like Little China, whereas outside the mall there really isn't a Japanese-style neighborhood.  The mall takes up about three blocks.  The "main" intersection is probably Fillmore and Post, one block up from Fillmore and Geary.  As expected,there are lots of good Japanese restaurants here, as well as lots of Japan-related resources and shops.  For example, we bought a Japanese version of Windows there once.  There is a multiplex theatre named The Kabuki that, despite its Japanese name, just shows your garden-variety Hollywood movies.
• The Fillmore - Named after the main thoroughfare, Fillmore street.  Formerly a poor and African/American neighborhood, it has become gentrified with many chi-chi shops and interesting restaurants in the first storey, while nice apartments crown the upper storeys.  However, please note that not all of the neighborhood has been gentrified.  Some of it retains its gritty character, and some blocks in this area (especially the parts near downtown) might seem a bit seedy.  Somehow, the gentrified part has managed to retain its interesting character. It's active and crowded and noisy during the day, and again, this may be your cup of tea.
• North of the Panhandle - What is the panhandle?  If you look at a map of Golden Gate Park (which is around seven blocks wide), at the east end, a one-block-wide extension of the park juts out.  It creates a natural barrier (pun!) between the Haight/Ashbury and this area called North of the Panhandle.  The feel here is densely populated, a bit busy especially near its major thoroughfare Fell street.

The Whole Haight Area

• The Haight / Ashbury - Many true victorians remain in this charming and friendly neighborhood. Basically, the further you get from the panhandle, the higher the rent gets.  Too close to the Haight, and there is  some drug and criminal activity. Between Haight street and the "panhandle" of Golden Gate Park is a medium-crime area.  The intersection of Haight and Ashbury streets remains a last stronghold of the tumultuous counterculture of the 60s.  You are likely to see lots of alternative young people here, and cool older people who remain committed to their ideals if a bit mellowed.  There may also be, unfortunately, a few runaway kids who came West and became homeless.  There is a good sense of a neighborhood here, with lots of foot traffic and a feeling that people are a bit less closed off than they would be downtown.  There are lots of interesting non-chain stores; clothing, music, food and some dance spots come to mind.  No trip to San Francisco by a wide-eyed midwesterner is complete without a stroll down the Haight with a cone of Double Rainbow ice cream in their hand.  
• Upper Haight / Parnassus Heights / Ashbury Heights - The upper Haight, known by all these names, is basically, the gentrified, remodeled Haight/Ashbury that has moved up the hill but still remains in the same emotional family as its brethren down in the Haight/Ashbury.  The foot traffic is residential only, and the homes a bit more upscale, but the feel of this section remains comfortable.
• Now you can take a photo tour of the Haight / Ashbury!

Cow Hollow

The Marina

North Beach, Russian and Telegraph Hills

• Telegraph Hill - A tree-covered and very steep hill near the north-east corner of the city, distinctively topped by tourist attraction Coit Tower. A modern-ish, elegant, upscale hill it's a very attractive place because of the nearby, interesting and safe nightlife, the comfortable homes and the stunning views. Now that I've whetted your appetite I know you would enjoy taking a photo tour of Telegraph Hill!
• North Beach - formerly an Italian neighborhood, and still retains that flavor in its wonderful and authentic restaurants. Pretty safe, and very pretty. Lots to see and do here. Columbus avenue is the North/South main strip down the center of the valley, leading from the waterfront down to the Financial District downtown. You can now take a photo tour of North Beach!
• Russian Hill - an upscale residential area across the valley from Telegraph Hill.

Chinatown

Just North Of Downtown

• Nob Hill - Also known as Snob Hill.  A very tall hill near downtown, it has a park atop it. The park is surrounded by hotels and low-rise condos with million-dollar views of the bay.  
• Pacific Heights -Stately homes

Downtown Its many sections

SOMA - We affected a little New York-like lingo here, and it's what we named our South Of Market Area.  Although it's a close call, I am including South Of MArket (SOMA) in the Downtown section.

 

• Upper SOMA (Close to Market Street, the Northern edge of SOMA) - This area is where the Financial District is overflowing its Market Street border and spilling southwards.  You can see the march of the construction crane, making highrises where urban blight was before.  It is also home to the remarkable Moscone convention center, and to the Sony megastore which includes an IMAX theatre.
  
  
• Lower SOMA (away from Market Street)  - In contrast, the Southern part of SOMA is much more like The Potrero.   SOMA is not recommended for living, at least according to my taste. You might find it funky and invigorating, if that is your style. It's where many dance clubs, cool restaurants, and experimental theater groups do their thing.Lower SOMA is where San Francisco's answer to Silicon Valley, "multimedia gulch" thrives. It's home to Wired magazine, vivid publishing, and many other inventive and creative multimedia software shops. In fact, I did a software engineering contract at vivid, they have a very cool working environment.

 

Market Street - Market street is a long, wide boulevard that cuts diagonally across downtown and into the Castro, like the hand of a clock pointing to the number 2, from the center to the NorthEast.  The original designer of the San Francisco street plan struck a brilliant stroke by creating this wide avenue within the square-shaped city, to facilitate circulation from the docks into the heart of the city.  In the map at the very top of this page, you can see Market street dividing the Civic Center & Downtown area from the SOMA area. Now you can take a photo tour of Market Street!

 

The Heart of Downtown - Three distinct sections that flow almost seamlessly into one another and really should be grouped together.  When people need to go Downtown, they're usually coming to one of these sections.

• The Financial District - This is where most of the skyscrapers are.  It's a lovely area.
  
• Old Downtown - Where you see a lot of old San Francisco's charming buildings, sometimes from pre-earthquake days, now gentrified as chi-chi shops, or as graciously decaying hotels, next to grand, modern, very attractive buildings from the 80s.
  
• Union Square - This area is a monument to shopping. It's gracious old downtown San Francisco trying to be sophisticated and a little tourist-trappy at the same time. Sophisticated wins. If you're looking for a quiet place to live, you probably won't find it here. I mean, it's downtown.  Lots of foot traffic, little flower vendors on the street, tour buses waiting to load passengers from the hotels, giant and expensive department stores, nice hotels, all surrounding a gracious little park next to the cable car tracks.
  
• You can now take a photo tour of the heart of Downtown!

 

The Tenderloin (Bound by Geary, Mason, Market, McAllister, and Polk) - This is our inner-city area. It's off to the western side of the financial district. The neat thing is that in San Francisco, even our seedy areas don't look like bombed-out war zones.  In this area, most of the nice old buildings from San Francisco's roaring days remain. Five, six story brick buildings with a fire escape in the front. They haven't been razed and replaced with some generic monstrosity put up by some greedy developer.  Still, it is the inner city, so you have to be careful of this area. If you can afford elsewhere, I wouldn't advise you to move here. Ironically, the Tenderloin is not too far from one of our city's best (or at least most expensive) area; Nob Hill. You can now take a photo tour of the Tenderloin!

 

Civic Center - If you're like me, you probably want to avoid this area as a residential place. It's mainly low-rise businesses and at night it feels a little deserted and seedy, to me. It is near many nice things; City Hall, the Opera House, the Main Library, Symphony Hall, but it's too downtown-y, next to the Tenderloin and not really residential. You can now take a photo tour of Civic Center.

Downtown overall - When we say "downtown" and speaking very loosely we mean all the above areas lumped together. You can now take a wide-ranging photo tour of various sections of downtown!

The Eastern Shore

• Potrero Hill aka The Potrero - Careful! This is a mix of a gorgeous neighborhood with astounding views of downtown and wonderful restaurants, software companies, and some high-crime stuff. Be sure to ask around, especially the neighbors, about how your particular area rates. A "potro" is Spanish for a young horse, so "Potrero" means young-horse-pasture, where horses might tend to hang out.  I love how San Francisco retains the place-names from its Barbary Coast days, when there were actual farms, miles of sand dunes, or forests within the city.  But I digress, sorry.  :)
• Mission Bay / Central Waterfront - Light industrial office parks.  

The Mission

• East of Mission Street - East of Mission street is a modest residential area, with warm climate, wonderful old victorians graciously decaying (or gloriously restored) cheek-by-jowl with boring prefab apartment buildings.  Mostly modest-income families, and close to Mission street, with all its stores and foot traffic.  You can now take the photo tour of the East-of-Mission!
  
• Mission Street itself (and surrounding blocks) - An active, culturally interesting, modest, alive neighborhood.  Mission street itself, and some blocks around it, tend to make me feel a little wary.  I've never had any problems but at night you could see there was trouble if you were actively looking for it.  But again, most of it by far is decent working people. You can now take the photo tour of Mission street itself!
  
• West Of mission Street -  If you like it interesting and culturally fun, get a place also between Mission Street and the Castro, but closer to Mission street.  If you can swing it, and if you like gentrified instead of funky, I would get a place between Mission Street and the Castro, closer to the Castro.  The closer to Castro, the more wonderful, well-cared-for and personal the neighborhood gets.  This area stops at Church street, which is parallel to Mission street.  Church and Mission are about six blocks apart.  You can now take the photo tour of the Western part of the Mission!

The City's SouthEast

• Hunter's Point - Probably the least advisable area in town.
• Bayview District - Same opinion as for "The Potrero"  
• Silver Terrace
• Portola District (Note: Portola street does NOT go through this district)
• Excelsior
• Visitation Valley
• Crocker Amazon
• Outer Mission
• Mission Terrace
• Bernal Heights - Here is the photo page for Bernal Heights.

West Of Twin Peaks

• St. Francis Woods - (Answering the Richmond's Sea Cliff area) Why, my dear sir, I certainly do have some Grey Poupon.
• West Portal - The cute shopping district for the pate de fois gras set from St Francis Woods. A very cute, upscale area with non-chain stores with a nice personal touch.  It lies between St. Francis Woods and the Sunset.  A rarity; virtually all stores are non-chain restaurants, hardware stores, home knick-knacks, etc.  People here organized and loudly protested the entry of some chain stores into the little commercial strip that forms the neighborhood's main drag.   You can now take the photo tour of West Portal!
• Forest Hill - They might not be mansions like in St. Francis Woods, but the homes are still stately, tasteful, and large.  This comprises the area between Twin Peaks at the center of town, and the Sunset in the western half.

Noe Valley

The Castro

Check out The Sausage Factory, a pizza place. Step into the very creative curio shop. Ceramic alarm clocks that look like dynamite with an LED clock, for example. A ceramic soap holder that looks like a miniature bathtub, that sort of thing.  Go see a movie at the Castro, a grand old theatre featuring "The Mighty Wurlitzer", a gigantic pipe organ which rises from beneath the floor. They play things like the new cleaned-up cut of "2001", and sometimes feature live acts like San Francisco's inventive "Club Foot Orchestra".

A fun, outrageous neighborhood. Lots of foot traffic, great shops. Many families, gay and straight, live here. A gazillion things to do.  I think the party has been moved, but in past years they closed off Castro street for Halloween and people wearing giant butterfly wings (and little else) paraded around in a good-natured celebration. I saw a guy wearing a 1-quart saucepan over his privates and a t-shirt with a caption that said "Peter Pan".

Everyone, gay or straight, brought their kids and thronged into the place to help celebrate. I think the party's been moved to another part of town because Castro street wasn't big enough to hold the billion people who came.  You can now take a photo tour of the Castro!

The Pacific Shore

Ingleside / Lakeside

• Ingleside Heights
• Ingleside Terrace
• Merced Heights
• Oceanview

Golden Gate Park

Ta daaaa!  That's it.  I hope you liked my neighborhood guide and the pictures.