I Got Attacked!
I'm sorry to hear that. that you got attacked. This can be very upsetting when it happens. It happens to everyone, at one time or another, and this time, unfortunately, it is you.

Many people who get attacked are stunned when they see the people they counted as friends don't come to their support in public. They may also feel that the place they though was happy and fun now feels hostile.

I thought you guys were my friends

On the one hand, no one speaks up for you, and on the other hand, the only people speaking are the attackers. This makes the victim feel as though the entire group, including the ones who say nothing, are against them. It paints a picture where the victim is the pariah and the entire group is hostile, silently or no.

We may be a group, but we don't do group-think.

But this is only the way it seems. The reality is that it is easy for a small group to make a big noise.

The nightly news shows us rape, murder, and tragedy - and so we go out to buy an extra deadbolt for the door. The reality is that the night is much safer and peaceful than we think. But we are afraid of every passerby.

In the same way, if a few people are all talking the same trash about you, it is easy for it to feel like the whole group thinks the same thing. The reality turns out to be very surprising. There may be alternate reasons why others don't jump to your defense.

The shadow is always bigger than the thing.

Many people stay in the sidelines because, even though they may secretly agree with you, they fear that if they jump into the fray it will only add fuel to the fire, and the whole list will be consumed in a flame war. This will seem to you like cowardice in your time of need. To them it will seem like prudence. They may think if they prolong the fight, they will prolong your pain.

Many other people are simply not aware of the fight. Even though the fight looms very large in your mind, many other people are completely oblivious to the current fracas. They may be too busy to read all their list mail, and may delete whole days of it. They may only scan their mail, and thus miss the subtle insult, the encoded sideswipe. They may think the attacks are jokes between old friends. The power of people to miss what's right in front of them is a wonder of the universe. But it doesn't mean they don't care.

The world is full of people who make things happen, others who saw what happened, and the rest who ask "What happened?"
Andy Lee

So what is the best way to handle personal attacks? In general, not stooping to their level, not making personal attacks of your own, works wonders. Remaining calm, using an even tone iin your writings, and relying on factual evidence will help to simmer things down, and will earn you respect from the emotionally mature members of the list. It will also stump the people who are used to fighting in the mud, since they will be flummoxed by the fact that you did not dive into the mud with them. You can win by remaining clean, or at the very least retain your dignity and self-respect. Remember . . .

A few people don't speak for the whole group

You may have more support than you know

You can win by sticking to the high road

I know that this is a trying time for you. We have all been there, one time or another. I hope this article, derived from long experience, is helpful to you in some way. If things don't seem to be improving and you are feeling at your wit's end, feel free to write me at alfredo@dreamworld.org

Things might appear dark. But appearances deceive